It wasn’t until I was putting up the ‘Squambound’ badge on my spankin’ new sidebar on Sunday that I remembered that I had posted on my blog about my dreams to go to Squam years ago. I dug it up yesterday and found that I posted this dream, into this space that I hadn’t yet grown into, exactly three years ago today. I found it to be so significantly poignant that three years ago today I was longing for the experience of an art retreat on a lake in New Hampshire…and just yesterday, three years later, I was dropping my registration form into the mailbox.
Looking back, I remember feeling such a deep yearning to go to this workshop that it almost hurt. I had really just entered the world where my adulthood and creativity could coexist and was amazed that there were others out there like me. After spending years feeling alone and different, I longed to spend four days creating with kindred spirits!
However, as I turn now and view what the fibers of my life have been woven into during these past three years, I see so clearly that three years ago, it simply wasn’t my time to go to Squam. I could have…and it would have been magic {’tis the nature of Squam}…but it would not have been the experience or had the impact that I’m positive it will this coming fall.
Three years ago, I was pregnant with the life force that would come to be known as Maya… our third daughter. I was in the business of making and selling soaps and other bath & body products…a venture that helped me to move into a more creative lifestyle, but not what I was destined to do. Photography was just beginning to get more and more of my attention. We were not homeschooling nor did we think that was where our lives were headed. In fact, Rayne was slated to begin Kindergarten in our local public school that fall. I couldn’t have left my newly born daughter, I couldn’t have left Rayne during her first weeks of school, and I couldn’t have left my retail business so close to the holiday season…not to mention that it wasn’t even in the realm of being financially plausible. It simply wasn’t my time…no matter how badly I wished for it to be!
When the dates and classes for this year’s Squam sessions came out last month, there were no obstacles standing in the way of my ‘yes’. Instead, my ‘yes’ was resolute and deep and calm and completely knowing that this was the way it was meant to be all along. Of course, there are still realities to reconcile…the cost, the solo nine hours of travel, leaving my children overnight {something that has never happened}…but beneath all these worries is this vibrating voice that calmly assures me that it will all be well.
I don’t tell you this to brag about my opportunity. I tell you this because a) it’s HUGE to me…it’s a big deal…it’s been this dream of mine that is finally manifesting! but also because b) it’s just one of those stories that so poignantly illustrates that there is a time and season for everything. There is a force out there {whether you’d like to call it God or the Universe or Something Else} that has you in the palm of It’s hand. It’s a hand you can trust…not because It eventually provides you with good stuff…but because it has your very best interests at heart.
So whether you are going to Squam this year or not, or whether you don’t care one bit about Squam but have other significant dreams and goals…this message today is to remind you that the Universe is patient and It hears the dreams on your heart. Just keep trusting the journey!
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