It’s Okay to Have a Bad Day {my bigger picture moment}…

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Welcome to Bigger Picture Moments; a weekly writing event sponsored by Bigger Picture Blogs. We welcome you to join us in finding the Bigger Picture amidst the hectic everyday craziness in your week.

Last week, I had one of those days that I boldly label as BAD! I’m typically very careful not to use that word in describing a day. I feel that most days have ups and downs but I’ve felt blessed to be in them. Most days, I never ever want to even whisper the thought that I’m not enjoying every blissful moment with my beautiful young children for fear that fate might overhear me, think I’m ungrateful, and take them from me. The truth is that I do love my life. I would take the hardest most frustrating day with my children over a day without them any day. I do feel blessed. I do feel grateful…immensely. But I still have bad days.

Once in a while, the piles of stress and arguments and tantrums and bad moments build up so much in a day that by mid afternoon, I have no more smiling faces, no more magic turn-this-day-around energy, and no more patience. It seems like every time I’m having one of these days there’s one more errand I have to run or supper won’t make it to the table. It seems like every time I leave the house, three children in tow, without my smiling face, magic energy, and buckets of patience that I run into that one mother who is deeply mourning the crazy days at home with her young children. Inevitably, and understandably, she gives me that look…that “you’re going to miss these days” look. And then, in that moment, I feel very very small and punish myself internally for even remotely thinking that my life is hard. But on this day, last week, I just didn’t. I didn’t feel guilty. I was having a bad day and I was okay with it.

Please don’t misunderstand. I KNOW I will miss these days. On good days, bad days, horrible days…that thought is the background for everything I say and everything I do. Guilt over every snap comment and frustrated reaction seeps from my pores. But I still have bad days. But last week, on this particular bad day, I let go of my guilt.

It occurred to me, very plainly, that I can love my children and our life together with every fiber of my being and still have bad days. I can be grateful and appreciative of the luxury it is to stay home with them and still wish for a day off. I can love our crazy, haphazard schedules and the funny things I have to do to get everyone to cooperate…and I can have a day where I just don’t think that I can do any of it. Because motherhood is an incredibly difficult job. Rewarding…of course! Enjoyable…absolutely! Fun…yes! But, it’s also really, really hard.

And you know, I think that it makes me a better mother to allow myself a bad day every once in a while. Mothers tend to sacrifice a great deal, happily and willingly, just to be mothers. But we need to hold onto our ability to decide if we’re having a good day or not. We teach our children to express emotions in healthy ways and we need to remind ourselves to do the same. For me, that means being willing to say “it was a bad day”…just hopefully not very often!

Feel free to add a link to your Bigger Picture Moment. Please link to your specific Bigger Picture post, link back here within your post, and spread some love around to the other gals {and possibly guys} finding the bigger picture in their lives! Corinne will be hosting our Bigger Picture Moment next week so be sure to keep and open heart and mind throughout the week and come and share your Bigger Picture Moment over there next Thursday!

19 comments

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Alita

Oh yeah, we sure do get a get out of jail free card once in awhile. We totally get to say “I’m having a bad day.” You are 100% right. We do give so freely, lovingly, happily to our children. One bad day out of thousands of good days isn’t too much to ask. We shouldn’t have to worry that our bad thoughts may have karma striking us down.

Let go, let flow!

Allison @ Alli 'n Son

Oh yes, I can totally relate to this. I have one child, but there are days when I’m just ready to throw in the towel and go back to bed. Maybe then I can start the day over. But I would never give any of these days up. They are just so precious.

Christine LaRocque

I think bad days build character, and if we can let our children see that, despite them, we can move on, it can be an important lesson. Everything can’t be roses and tulips, and that’s okay! There’s always tomorrow.

Hyacynth

So often I’ve felt very guilty for my bad days. So often I’ve wanted to beat myself up for allowing them. But, you’re right. Sometimes there are days that just are no fun — maybe everyone is cranky or it’s filled with just task after task after task. And on those days, maybe I just need to cut myself some slack. And by maybe, I mean I should.

Hyacynth

So%20often%20I’ve%20felt%20very%20guilty%20for%20my%20bad%20days.%20So%20often%20I’ve%20wanted%20to%20beat%20myself%20up%20for%20allowing%20them.%20But%2C%20you’re%20right.%20Sometimes%20there%20are%20days%20that%20just%20are%20no%20fun%20–%20maybe%20everyone%20is%20cranky%20or%20it’s%20filled%20with%20just%20task%20after%20task%20after%20task.%20And%20on%20those%20days%2C%20maybe%20I%20just%20need%20to%20cut%20myself%20some%20slack.%20And%20by%20maybe%2C%20I%20mean%20I%20should.%20

Hyacynth

Also, I have no idea what happened to my comment up there!

Corinne

I honestly get really annoyed when people tell me I’m going to miss even the bad days… and think they’re just so far removed from them that they don’t remember. One of the best things about my mother is that she remembers, and will tell me that she doesn’t miss the bad ones. The tough ones. The no good bad days that don’t seem to end when you’re in the middle of them. She misses the rest, but not those.
And that’s perfectly ok, and normal. Life is so much about give and take, the ebbs and flows that we always talk about creatively also happen on a daily, moment by moment basis. And just because we’re truly lucky and blessed to be at home with the kids doesn’t mean that it’s going to be a cake walk

Rose

I can see how it would be hard to have a bad day looking at those adorable faces. But it is okay to have a bad day.

Brooke

I totally understand where you are coming from…I get those watchful eyes from mothers who don’t or didn’t get to stay home with their kiddos (even my mom sometimes) when I just have an off day. I always feel guilty for thinking about having a bad or daring to say I’m tired and need a break. Even if I “just” stay home, I agree, it’s still hard work and there ARE bad days!

cristina

being a stay at home mom or just a mom is really tough some days, because we are not just moms. we are also women. we have needs, we get tired both emotionally and physically. we need a break to recharge. and I truly believe that one of the best gifts we can give our children is to show them how to take care of themselves by taking care of ourselves.

Melissa

Ahh yes, bad days. They happen, best to acknowledge and move on right? Sometimes I need to remember the move on part and not let it hang over me, especially as I barrel towards that “bad day” today!

Michelle @ Graceful

I appreciate your honesty here — and I love Corinne’s comment.

Your blog is beautiful…so glad I stopped by today..

Dayle

Loved this post. It is so okay to have a bad day. Mothering is, after all, the toughest job on the planet. Your photos are amazing.

I linked to an older post today; hope that’s okay.

Jamie

Without those bad does its hard to truly appreciate the great ones

Amber

Like Corinne, I get annoyed when I hear that “you’re going to miss this” phrase. I think that if you are doing your best to enjoy every moment, you will continue to celebrate each day, even when you know your babies are no longer babies. I also feel that it discredits our very valid feelings. Mothering (and fathering) is so very difficult. It really is okay to have bad days.

Anyway. I didn’t mean to rant, it came out. Very well written post.

Jo@Mylestones

Yes!! OF COURSE we all have bad days, bad as in nothing-redeemable-about-this-day bad. And I think it is so healthy to do as you’ve done–to just call it what it is, give ourselves the space to be frustrated without adding guilt to the pile.

Justine

Thanks for hosting Bigger Picture this week.

I am in complete agreement – it IS ok to have a bad day, and to know when it’s one so we are realistic with the expectations we set for ourselves. That way we don’t dwell on that one bad day. Instead we move on, learn from it if we can, and focus on the next day, where it could possibly be one of the best days of our lives.

Jade @ Tasting Grace

Bad days are allowed. They don’t make you ungrateful or ungracious. In fact, they do the opposite, for as someone more eloquent than I once said, the bad times are what wake you up to the good. The peaks would not be so high were it not for the valleys we occasionally must pass through.

You have a beautiful blog here. I stumbled across it and am very glad to have found it. I think I will join in Bigger Picture Moments or the Sunday Creative next time around. I’ll definitely be back!

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

Teresa

Oh I’m totally feelin’ this post. I have those days too, and I often feel guilty about it. You are right though, it is okay. The nice thing is that usually after a bad day I wake up the next day and do my very best to turn it into a great day. It’s like a clean slate.